If you're reading this, I probably love you.
I love the way you read my blog. I love the way you comment (and if you don't, you probably should). I love the way you laugh when you read the adventures of my torture and tumultuous midnight bag-changes. But mostly, I love the way my best friend, Alexa, is being tortured by THIS conversation:
Alexa: omgg wait what/
Alexa: what did they do 2 you
Me: omgggg alexa
Me: it was the most uncomfortable experience of my LIFE.
Me: they stuck a rubber thing up my butt and like inserted this nasty red stuff into my j-pouch (which is where my poop will go) and then told me to hold it in and then i couldn't anymore and it all came out... and they kept the rubber thing in my butt
Alexa: ewwwww dude ur grossing me out!
Me: and then they took it out, and i'm leaking so much red stuff you would swear i got my period, but it's out of my butt.
Alexa: lol well i can tell u it comes out of the front u idiot!
Me: soooo thennn i went to my most FAVORITE doctor/surgeon in the UNIVERSE, and he STUCK HIS LATEX GLOVED FINGER UP MY FREAKING BUTT. TWO THINGS UP MY BUTT TODAY!!!
Me: but THEN, he felt my pouch and said the most WONDERFULLY AMAZING THING EVER.
Alexa: omgg r u ok!
Alexa: wait r tey reversing it early/
Me: IF THE POUCH STUDY WITH THE RED CRAP GOES OK, I COULD HAVE MY SURGERY EITHER THIS FRIDAY OR A WEEK FROM FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: I'M SOOOOO EXCITEDDDDDD!!!!
Casey: no more LEAKS! no more waking up at four to change bags! no more stinking up bathrooms!
There's more, but I think I've embarassed myself enough.
Me and Lexa have tons of fun together
but, strangely, had more fun without my ostomy bag.
WHICH DOESN'T LEAK ANYMORE (YET)!!!
And MORE good news. I know what you're thinking: "Oh my goodness, Casey, MORE good news? What could POSSIBLY be better than your bag not leaking?"
Well, friends, family, and everyone else: Soon enough, I MAY NOT EVEN HAVE A BAG TO LEAK IN TO!!!!!
That's RIGHT, people, if all goes well on the test I did today (which I explained up there, in my conversation with Lexa), I MIGHT JUST have my surgery THIS FRIDAY!!! Or the Friday after that Friday. But whatever.
And now, because I've been so good this whole blog, for my rant.
My eye is swollen, and it has been all day. And it's so STUPID, because my eye, like, itches and it's all swollen and stuff. It's ANNOYING.
The world loves me and not my ostomy bag,