Monday, July 23, 2007

I Love Everyone or, I'm Torturing my Best Friend

If you're reading this, I probably love you.

I love the way you read my blog. I love the way you comment (and if you don't, you probably should). I love the way you laugh when you read the adventures of my torture and tumultuous midnight bag-changes. But mostly, I love the way my best friend, Alexa, is being tortured by THIS conversation:

Alexa: omgg wait what/
Alexa: what did they do 2 you
Me: omgggg alexa
Me: it was the most uncomfortable experience of my LIFE.
Me: they stuck a rubber thing up my butt and like inserted this nasty red stuff into my j-pouch (which is where my poop will go) and then told me to hold it in and then i couldn't anymore and it all came out... and they kept the rubber thing in my butt
Alexa: ewwwww dude ur grossing me out!
Me: and then they took it out, and i'm leaking so much red stuff you would swear i got my period, but it's out of my butt.
Alexa: lol well i can tell u it comes out of the front u idiot!
Me: soooo thennn i went to my most FAVORITE doctor/surgeon in the UNIVERSE, and he STUCK HIS LATEX GLOVED FINGER UP MY FREAKING BUTT. TWO THINGS UP MY BUTT TODAY!!!
Me: but THEN, he felt my pouch and said the most WONDERFULLY AMAZING THING EVER.
Alexa: omgg r u ok!
Alexa: wait r tey reversing it early/
Alexa: yayyyy
Casey: no more LEAKS! no more waking up at four to change bags! no more stinking up bathrooms!

There's more, but I think I've embarassed myself enough.

Me and Lexa have tons of fun together

but, strangely, had more fun without my ostomy bag.


And MORE good news. I know what you're thinking: "Oh my goodness, Casey, MORE good news? What could POSSIBLY be better than your bag not leaking?"

Well, friends, family, and everyone else: Soon enough, I MAY NOT EVEN HAVE A BAG TO LEAK IN TO!!!!!

That's RIGHT, people, if all goes well on the test I did today (which I explained up there, in my conversation with Lexa), I MIGHT JUST have my surgery THIS FRIDAY!!! Or the Friday after that Friday. But whatever.

And now, because I've been so good this whole blog, for my rant.
My eye is swollen, and it has been all day. And it's so STUPID, because my eye, like, itches and it's all swollen and stuff. It's ANNOYING.


The world loves me and not my ostomy bag,


laura said...

because there is simply no word or sentence strong enough to say how excited we are for you: "yay"!

Uh, the "yay" is that the reversal is this Friday or next. Not that you had two things up your butt.

Di said...

So much to celebrate...the impending removal of the ostomy bag, the fact that I got a birdie on #3 on Sunday, the fact that you and other people who don't "get" golf smile sweetly when I say these things, the fact that I finally watched Borat and it was as stupid as I expected it to be, the fact that fresh veggies are springing up all over my friends' gardens and finding their way into my kitchen so I actually have something to contribute to our communal dinners, the fact that your fellow ostomate Aunt Mary is now in town and making me laugh so much my cheeks hurt...and the fact that through it all you have unbelievable friends and a great Mommy. sure got the right one...I'm just not sure I could muster up a sympathy face if you woke me up with a leak. I'm more the, "Let's bake a cake (from a mix)", "Let's go paint pottery", and "Let's let the kids watch inappropriate movies so we can yack" kind of mom. Well...everyone gets what they need in one way or another!

Oh...and this weekend is Papa Jack & Gramma Kay's (the ones who did the flashlight egg hunt) 50th anniversary. So the neighborhood is waiting for the onslaught of untold numbers of Irish Catholic McGarrigles from Detroit and other places. There will be golf, tennis, volleyball, etc. And your osto-soulmate Aunt Mary plays them all! So lucky you that your reversal is taking place much sooner than hers...but lucky everyone that it's something that can be lived with AND can be reversed. (She showed me her bag last night...after a glass of wine or two...OK, three.)

I'll send pics of the festivities this weekend! Check your e-mail!!!