Sunday, December 9, 2007

I Love You, Stoma and Other Random Thoughts

Last night, I got very emotional. Why? Because I changed the wafer that they put on after surgery. I told my mom and dad this same exact story in these same exact words.

Ok, here we go. At around 3:30, I noticed my bag was leaking liquid, but not the actual poop so I put some surgical tape on it and just let it slide. But then it started to leak more and at around 5:00 I unwillingly had to take it off and change it. I was taking the wafer off when I realized how gigantically huge my stoma has gotten because of the surgery. So, I did what any sane person would do. I started to cry. Really cry, with dripping tears and yucky snot. The works. So I went in the shower to clean off my stoma cause it was really dirty. The stoma itself had that mucusy stuff that usually stays inside your body on it so I had to clean that off. And when it wouldn't come off with the cloth I had to actually touch it. With my bare hands. The mucus is sort of like wet booger. Then I accidentally srubbed ot hard trying to clean the area around it and the stoma got a cut and started to bleed.
As I was getting out of the shower my stoma exploded with toxic waste so I had to go back in the shower, clean it again, clean the floor, and clean the shower door. By now I was really crying. Then I had to cut the sticky part of the wafer to fit the stoma. I cut the size of the hole we usually cut to compare how big it had gotten. Seriously, it barely fit the hole that the poop comes out of. No way did it fit the whole stoma. Then I cut the hole a little bigger and it still didn't fit. Then I cut the hole even bigger and it still didn't fit. Then I had to cut the hole until the sticky stuff left around the plastic ring was about this thin:

The stoma is HUGE.
Oh yeah, and there's this drain that they had in my bladder during my hospital visit, so on the last day Dr. Neville, who's another doctor in the practice, had to pull the drain out. They gave me a little bit of morphine and she pulled it- with no anesthesia- after the morphine kicked in. It still hurt like hell and the cut from where it came out oozes a little. So I put anti-infecting stuff on the cut which stung so bad. I put neosporin on a huuuge Band-Aid and stuck it on there.
So then after that, I stuck the wafer on. And the top of the stoma is wider than the bottom so the stoma was squeezed, making more poop some out. So then I had to rush back into the shower and risk having me leak just so I could keep the wafer clean. But luckily, I got a pretty good fit on it so it didn't fall off. Then I had to put the bag on. Remember that cut I was telling you about? Well, duh, you only read it like 30 seconds ago. Well the plastic ring that snaps the bag on was right over my oozy, swollen, ouchy cut. When I pressed the bag on, I could feel the cut throbbing and it hurt so bad. The bag, though, was not cooperating so I had to press for like 5 minutes on the one area where my little cut was just to get the bag to stay on. And by now it hurts really badly. It's throbbing and oozing.

So I took a vicodin and everything was better. Oh, and by the way, the vicodin takes just about forever and a half to kick in. With the morphine, I could feel it in 15 minutes. With the vicodin, I have to wait 45 minutes before my pain is the least bit relieved. PLUS, it has funky side-effects. Sometimes when I take it I get very very very VERY happy. Sometimes, I get all, "the world is pink and look talking hamburgers and ohmygosh what a pretty flowerrr". And sometimes I kinda get all quiet and I just need to lay down. And other times I just get cranky, but not crazypsychobitch like the tylenol with codeine made me, just bitch. And sometimes I start thinking about lots of things at once and my brain gets all jumbled up. I took a vicodin about 20 minutes ago. Which Casey will it be today? There's Happy Casey, High Casey, Quiet Casey, Cranky Casey, and Mixed-up Casey.

Also, I must gain weight now. Again. At least my skinny jeans fit. A couple weeks ago I couldn't wear anything except those sweats that end below your knee and have that elastic ring and the ends. I have so many pairs of those. Well, I know I'm making progress when my skinny jeans are actually skinny, not baggy. Well, they're still a little baggy, but they fit well enough so you know they're supposed to be skinny fit. I mean, if a size 12 Slim skinny wash from abercrombie is too big, then you're too small. I mean, really, these things don't fit my sister and she's nine years old. This is such a long post about the randomest things that popped into my head this morning.

Coming Soon: A holiday gift guide/wish list type thing. Just some awesome things I found, mostly for kids (and adults who are young at heart). Plus, they're cheap and I would want any of these things. So these are gift ideas for anybody (AHEM AHEM AHEM) for like $20 and under.

Till the skinny jeans fit a little better,


Kristin said...

Hope you're feeling 100% soon!

Di said...

Wow...and all I did this weekend was go to Nashville.

I got a Christmas tree at a "dirty Santa" gift exchange...and some B**** stole it from me. She felt really bad when I told her it was for a 12 year old with a colostomy!

Joey said...

I have been having problems with my stoma and I always think I can use the internet to diagnose myself. Browsing through the links on google, I came across this blog and this post was unbelievably accurate in terms of my personal stoma experiences. Sometimes all I want/can do is cry as I'm cleaning the floor or the shower door that has been oozed with my own bodily waste from a stoma that never shows any mercy. I can see that you haven't been using this blog for a couple years now and you may never see this but I just want to say that this blog is an inspiring depiction of what it means to have an ostomy. I only hope to meet someone like you someday whom I can share funny/sad/disgusting stories with.

By the way, I can only HOPE I see some professional writing with you as the author someday. You are absolutely fan-f***ing-tastic!

Anonymous said...

Amiable brief and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you as your information.

Anonymous said...

Wow... this blog is so useful. I just wanted to know how do you monetize it? Can you give me a few advices? For example, I use

I'm earning about $1500 per month at he moment. What will you recommend?