Saturday, November 24, 2007

The Ostogods Hate Me

I am so proud of myself. I made progress today. I asked for breakfast and my mommy or daddy didn't even remind me. I asked for drinks and I was always sipping on something. I got up and took a walk around the neighborhood when I wasn't even asked to. I asked for lunch before anyone had to remind me it was time to eat. I ate at reasonable hours without going more than 3 hours without food. I went for another walk with my mommy and my nana. I took a long, hot shower, standing up the entire time. I drank two bottles of Acai juice, took my disgusting antioxidant and multivitamin out of the fridge and took them both without having to be reminded, and ate a snack. I drank a full bottle of pomegranate juice and had no mood swings today. I never once gagged

So tell me. Why is there NOTHING, zip, nada, zero output in my bag?!

I'll tell you why. The ostogods hate me. When I don't do what I'm supposed to, they give me output towards the end of the day, around right now. And lots of it! But I only walk once those days, and it's only half the neighborhood, And I gag when I eat. I don't eat enough. I get moody and most of my day is spent sitting down. I always have to be reminded to eat. But the one day I do everything right and just like I'm supposed to, the ostogods decide I'm not worthy of any output.

What. The. Freak?

Someone's gotta email those unfair little -censored- (There, happy, Lindsay?) and tell them I did what I'm supposed to! I'm a good girl! I deserve some love! I thought the ostogods loved me! That's why they were giving me the unnecessary output! But I guess not...

"Love, I put my faith in love... I followed where it led... to my personal circle of hell... it has not worked out well."
(From Legally Blonde the Musical. It's a bit of an obsession.)

Coming soon, my email to the ostomy gods.

1 comment:

bree said...

hey i cant believe you have that disaese. Its soo sad i might cry. im not kiddin do you think i would kid about this stuff this is seriuos. i might not be a good speller but im smart.