Since today is Thanksgiving, I've decided to do a SUPER SPECIAL EDITION POST!! Instead of the this-sucks attitude that usually comes across in my blog posts, I'm going to give you a list of the good things that have come out of me having an ileostomy bag.
1. I learned lots of funky medical terms and I get to sound, like, super duper smart when I use them. Like toxic shock syndrome (thanks to Laura for that one), phantom pain, and rectal/stomal output (which is just a really fancy name for poop).
2. aFtRr lErNiN aLl tHu BiIg wUrDzz ii d0nT tAlK lYk diZZ n ii tH!Nk iTz lYk $0 aNn0yiin wEn PpL d00 dIz. ii mEEn sRsLy uu g0 2 sK00l rIte? tAlk lYk aa hUmaN Be!nG.
3. I get lots of sympathy!
4. We're going to Disney in two weeks, and because I'll still have my bag on then (4 MORE WEEKS AHH!) Dr. Thompson or my uncle, who's a chiropractor, gets to write us a note and we bring it to guest services and we get to go to the FRONT OF EVERY LINE OH YEAH!
5. We interrupt this post to bring you AWESOME NEWS: LEGALLY BLONDE THE MUSICAL IS ON THE MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE!!! THEY ARE PERFORMING WHAT YOU WANT!!! I AM OBSESSED!!!
6. I have a really good reason not to do drugs. These are the exact words from a website I was on:
"Methamphetamine should not be taken by people without a large intestine. This will result in failure to digest quickly enough and almost immediate death."
I can see it now: "Hey Casey, come on, try this meth!" "No thanks, Tom. I have no colon and me taking that would result in immediate death."
7. I get to be lazy most of the day which means I can watch Legally Blonde the Musical like all day.
8. This has made me pretty strong and pain is not usually a big deal.
9. As the guy from fear factor says, fear is not a factor for me. Well, yes it is. Like crowded elevators and heights and bugs, those bring me fear. But not my ostomy bag!
10. And that's it. I can't think of anything else.
That was a sad little list.