Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Bad Lyrics

This is one of those rare posts with very little to do with my wonderful bag. I have been through way too much to listen to bad lyrics in songs. Here are some of my favorites.

"She made us drinks... to drink... we drunk 'em."
T-Pain, 'Bartender'. What else do you do with your drinks? Pour them on your head?

"Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains."
Shakira, 'Whenever, Wherever'. This woman got a 100% on her similes and metaphors test.

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake."
50 Cent, '21 Questions'. Haley's favorite.

"You're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true."
James Blunt, 'You're Beautiful'. Can you say writer's block?

"My best friend Leslie said 'Oh, she just bein' Miley'."
Miley Cyrus, 'See You Again'. Nice, Miley! If you want to break away from the 'Hannah Montana' image, tell the people that your name is MILEY in your song!

"I'm respected from Cal-i-forn-i-a way down to Japa-a-an."
Timbaland, 'Give it to Me'. Ok, um, Timbaland? I love your music and respect you and all, but Japan is not DOWN from California. It's east. Waay east. It's not down!

"I'm hot cause I'm fly, you ain't cause you not, this is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot."
Mims, 'This is Why I'm Hot'. Ohhh yeah. This guy's gotta work on his ego.

"My hump, my hum my hump my hump, my lovely lady lumps."
Black Eyed Peas, 'My Hump'. This, my friends, is what 2000+ years of civilization has brought us to.

"Like the little schoolmate in the schoolyard, we'll play jacks and Uno cards."
Fergie, 'Big Girls Don't Cry'. ACK. THIS SONG ANNOYS THE OSTOMY BAGS OUT OF ME!

"This sh*t is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S."
Gwen Stefani, 'Hollaback Girl'. My sh*t has pieces of peanuts, P-E-A-N-U-T-S.

"You make me wanna la-la, in the kitchen on the floor, I'll be your French maid, where I'll meet you at the door, I'm like an alley cat, drink the milk up I want more, you make me wanna, you make me wanna, scream."
Ashlee Simpson, 'La La'. Ok, how exactly do you la-la?

“Hey oh... listen what I say oh... I got your hey oh, now listen what I say oh."
Red Hot Chili Peppers, 'Snow (Hey Oh)'. Can you say Songwriting Under the Influence?

"Baby, cause in the dark, you can see shiny cars."
Rihanna, 'Umbrella'. Yes, Rihanna, you can. Congrats.

"Baby, if you strip, you can get a tip, cause I like you just the way you are."
Timbaland & Keri Hilson, 'The Way I Are'. Ok... might possibly be the weirdest lyric ever.

"This is the potential breakup song, our album needs just one, oh baby please, please tell me."
Aly & AJ, 'Potential Breakup Song'. Ok, um, why?

"You have me suicidal, suicidal when you say it's over."
Sean Kingston, 'Beautiful Girls'. *sniff, sniff* I smell EMO!

"Wait a minute hold on dawg... do she got a kid? (Yep) Loves some Waffle House? (Yep) Do she got a beauty mark on her left side of her mouth? (Man?) Went to Georgia Tech? (Yep) Works for TBS? (Yep)."
R Kelly & Usher, 'Same Girl'. 'Loves some Waffle House'? She doesn't sound that "fly" to me.

"And when I'm quiet you break through my shell, don't feel the need to do a rebel yell."
Hannah Montana, 'True Friend'. Does this make sense to anyone?

"Were you born in '74? Are you the kind of guy that I should ignore?"
Hilary Duff, 'Danger'. If it's not totally obvious she's talking about Joel Madden...

"So many girls be checkin' my style, checkin' my style, checkin' my style, so many girls be checkin' my style but I don't even care, no."
Ashley Tisdale, 'Not Like That'. Dear Ashley, YOU ARE NOT A GANGSTA.

"I know you’ve been waiting
But I’ve been out making babies
And like a chef making donuts and pastries
It’s time to make you sweat
Sex and sugar is the flavor
Ovens and beaters and graters
Beats made of bongos and shakers
It’s time to make you sweat."
Gwen Stefani, 'Yummy'. Sex-ay song.

"They like the way my pants, it compliments my shape."
Gwen Stefani, 'Wind it Up'. Sorry, Gwen. I love you, but no.

"Crazy Car, to lead me no where, lead me no where, actually, it's made for there, made for there...
Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car
Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car
Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car
Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car."
Naked Brothers Band, 'Crazy Car'. Lyrical. Genius.

"Next time I see you, I'm giving you a high five, 'cause hugs are over rated, just FYI."
Jonas Brothers, 'S.O.S.'. Whoaa. These dudes better not be dissing hugs!!

And the FULL SONG with the WORST LYRICS EVER WRITTEN:

One day when I came home at lunchtime,
I heard a funny noise.
Went out to the back yard to find out if it was,
one of those ratty boys.
Stood there with the neighbor called Peter,
and a Flux Capacitor.

He told me he built a time machine.
Like one in a film I've seen,
yeah ... he said...

I've been to the year 3000
not much has changed but they lived under water.
And your great great great grand daughter,
is doing fine

He took me to the future in the flux thing, and I saw everything.
Boy bands, and another one and another one ... and another one
And girls there with brown hair like star wars float above the floor

We drove around in a time machine,
like one in a film I've seen...

Said I've been to the year 3000.
Not much has changed but they lived under water,
and your great great great grand daughter,
is doing fine

I took a trip to the year 3000.
This song had gone multi-platinum
Everybody bought our 7th album.
It had outsold Kelly Clarkson.
I took a trip to the year 3000.
This song had gone multi-platinum.
Everybody bought our 7th album

He told me he built a time machine
Like one in a film I've seen,
yeah... he said...

I've been to the year 3000.
Not much has changed but they lived under water.
And your great great great grand daughter,
is doing fine

He said, I've been to the year 3000.
Not much has changed but they lived under water
And your great great great grand daughter,
is doing fine

He said, I've been to the year 3000.
Not much has changed but they lived under water
And your great great great grand daughter,
is doing fine

He said I've been to the year 3000
Not much has changed but they lived underwater,
And your great great great grand daughter
is doing fine

That is the lyrical genius that is 'Year 3000' by the Jonas Brothers. Wow. These guys should write Hallmark cards.

My great great great great great great great granddaughter is doing fine,
Casey

54 comments:

Ritardo "Gar the Conqueror" said...

I agree with the drunk thang. but I love you like a fat kid loves cake made me blow coffee out my nose when I heard it.

Di said...

I think the great lyrics are the ones for which we have not come up with anymore lines.

(to the tune of Beauty School Drop-out from Grease)

Hebrew school drop-out
There'll be no Bat Mitzvah for you

haleyyyy said...

Yeah, my mom's embarassing.

But, FYI, It's "in the dark you CAN'T see shiny cars. . ."

:]

Anonymous said...

Umm ok so are u an artist??
no i didnt think so, ur just someone looking for attention so u decide to pick on peoples lyrics!, could u write a song and make millions$??
they did so whats ur problem??

they obviously now allot more than u do about there own songs,

and if none of the songs dont make sense then u must be a person hard to understand,

are u blonde?????

if not ur grandma or ur mom must be.

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