Monday, February 4, 2008

A Rant; and I Promised to Post This

/Begin Rant/
This is for someone who doesn't read this blog. At least I don't think. She's not in my family so relax, mom.
Stop telling me you know what's going on. Cause you don't.
And DON'T SPELL OSTOMY 'OSTAMIE'. Cause I hate that.
And don't say you know how I feel. Because, once again, you don't. And I can promise you that you have never felt pain like I usually feel ever in your 12 years of life.
When I say I feel bad, I do. Don't try to perk me up because I will just go crazy bitch in your face. Do NOT try to set me up with Bryan Rippe. Yes, I like him. But I don't want a boyfriend because I have a BIG WHITE OSTOMY BAG hanging out from under my shirt and it makes me feel INSECURE. That's something you don't know about because you've never felt it. Just because you get stomachaches once in a while doesn't mean they're the colitis stomachaches I was once used to.
/End Rant/

So. How was your day? More like how was your month? I haven't posted since January 7th, I think, and I have so much to tell you. Let's start with some lighthearted stuff to undo the ultimate power of mega-rant.

Last week, we had a last day on Thursday. That morning, my mommy and I had to change my wafer and he bag just would not stay on. We tried and tried but when another part clicked on, the other side clicked off. When we finally got most of the bag clicked on to the wafer, I had to rush out the door and go to school.
Today the first period I went to was second, which is World Cultures. About halfway into the period, I noticed something wet on my shirt. Oh crap, I thought, I was leaking. When I lifted up my shirt to inspect the damage, I found a disturbing discovery - I wasn't leaking after all, but the bag had fallen off the wafer while I was running to class! I had a wafer and a completely exposed stoma for Brian Hahn (thankfully not the Brian I like that I mentioned in the rant!), the kid who sits next to me, to see. He asked what it was and I told him a small intestine, and that I needed to get Ms. Breitkopf's attention now. So both of us stage-whispered "Ms. Breitkopf! Ms. Breitkopf!" But we're in the back of the room so she didn't hear. Nick, the kid in front of me, heard our frantic whispers and called for her too, louder than Brian and I could. She saw the nurse's pass in my hand - I have a permanent one that I keep in my binder - and motioned for the door.
When I got to the nurse's office, I was laughing hysterically. "Wanna hear something funny?" I asked Nurse Lorraine. We went into the girl's part of the office and I showed her what had happened and explained where it probably was. She called my mom, also laughing hysterically, and told her the story too. When my mom had come with a new bag, it was already 11:30 and school was ending in an hour and a half. So she took me home and I said that I had to put this in my blog. So now I am.

Still no news on when my surgery is, though. I'm going for another study next Wednesday the 13th (I think it's the 13th, but I don't know...) so cross everything!

x Ostogirl


haleyyyy said...

No idea WHO that could POSSIBLY be for. . .

Di said...

I really don't know who that could possibly be. I am truly dumb as opposed to my daughter who just plays dumb.

I think Bryan Rippe is pretty cute, but I agree that you shouldn't be in a hurry to make him your boyfriend. You are too young for a boyfriend and you've got all that ostomy stuff happening.

You handle the whole situation with humor and aplomb. You should write about this as much as possible because you might be able to look back and use it in your college essays. No college could resist a girl who can find humor in leaking body fluids.