Oops, I Did It Again

I told you that I was going to post, but I didn't. So now, I really am. Truly. I'm going to post more. WAY more. I'm going to post every single day until March 1st.
So, now, I present to you, the first post in a series of ten...

...and nothing to say.

Well, there is something to say. I've been very sensitive and hurt-y lately. The last time I changed my wafer there was an open scar on my right side. It was, um, rather large. And wide. And deep. And sore. Remember when I had a deep, open scar on the left side? I don't know about you, but I most definitely do. It kept my wafer from staying on more than a couple hours. Now, this scar isn't making my wafer not stick as well, but it's really hurting me. I almost didn't go to school today because of it. But then again, I almost don't go to school for a lot of things.

WHOA. My 4-year-old cousin just farted about 12 million times and it stinks more than my ostomy when I don't put in Stop Drops.

I was going to write something, but I don't remember what it was. Oh yeah, now I do.

Here's good look at my osto-site, in a 3-D Vision Diagram.



This is the whole thing, adhesive stains and all.



This is my ostomy belt. It helps keep the bag on, so something like what happened a couple weeks ago doesn't happen again and I DON'T wind up with no bag :]



This is my clip. It keeps the bag from popping open.



This is my scar. See that little red thing? That's him. Reddy Whip.

I have more, but I'm running out of battery so I have to stop here. But I guess you'll hear more from me tomorrow.

A Rant; and I Promised to Post This

/Begin Rant/
This is for someone who doesn't read this blog. At least I don't think. She's not in my family so relax, mom.
Stop telling me you know what's going on. Cause you don't.
And DON'T SPELL OSTOMY 'OSTAMIE'. Cause I hate that.
And don't say you know how I feel. Because, once again, you don't. And I can promise you that you have never felt pain like I usually feel ever in your 12 years of life.
When I say I feel bad, I do. Don't try to perk me up because I will just go crazy bitch in your face. Do NOT try to set me up with Bryan Rippe. Yes, I like him. But I don't want a boyfriend because I have a BIG WHITE OSTOMY BAG hanging out from under my shirt and it makes me feel INSECURE. That's something you don't know about because you've never felt it. Just because you get stomachaches once in a while doesn't mean they're the colitis stomachaches I was once used to.
/End Rant/

So. How was your day? More like how was your month? I haven't posted since January 7th, I think, and I have so much to tell you. Let's start with some lighthearted stuff to undo the ultimate power of mega-rant.

Last week, we had a last day on Thursday. That morning, my mommy and I had to change my wafer and he bag just would not stay on. We tried and tried but when another part clicked on, the other side clicked off. When we finally got most of the bag clicked on to the wafer, I had to rush out the door and go to school.
Today the first period I went to was second, which is World Cultures. About halfway into the period, I noticed something wet on my shirt. Oh crap, I thought, I was leaking. When I lifted up my shirt to inspect the damage, I found a disturbing discovery - I wasn't leaking after all, but the bag had fallen off the wafer while I was running to class! I had a wafer and a completely exposed stoma for Brian Hahn (thankfully not the Brian I like that I mentioned in the rant!), the kid who sits next to me, to see. He asked what it was and I told him a small intestine, and that I needed to get Ms. Breitkopf's attention now. So both of us stage-whispered "Ms. Breitkopf! Ms. Breitkopf!" But we're in the back of the room so she didn't hear. Nick, the kid in front of me, heard our frantic whispers and called for her too, louder than Brian and I could. She saw the nurse's pass in my hand - I have a permanent one that I keep in my binder - and motioned for the door.
When I got to the nurse's office, I was laughing hysterically. "Wanna hear something funny?" I asked Nurse Lorraine. We went into the girl's part of the office and I showed her what had happened and explained where it probably was. She called my mom, also laughing hysterically, and told her the story too. When my mom had come with a new bag, it was already 11:30 and school was ending in an hour and a half. So she took me home and I said that I had to put this in my blog. So now I am.

Still no news on when my surgery is, though. I'm going for another study next Wednesday the 13th (I think it's the 13th, but I don't know...) so cross everything!

x Ostogirl

So, Um, Yeah.

Today was my first day back at school. And you'll never guess what happened.

I had to go home. Of course.

MAJOR pain behind poor stoma. I left almost as soon as I came. Very annoying.

It didn't help that it was MONDAY, either. Starting school on a Monday was not a very good call. Everyone was sooo miserable. Especially those of us with an ostomy bag.

And yes, Haley, my closet cleaning was very successful. So now it's time for SHOPPING to fill up the now-empty spaces!

Remember to nominate me for a Bloggie!! Nominate under the Best Teen Blog category. I know that I have a readership of, like, four, but maybe four nominations can get me somewhere.

By the way, Juno is the greatest movie ever. You should see it. My bag kind of ruined it by leaking super-majorly halfway through, though. Ah, the power of a leaking ostomy bag and fresh, liquidy poop all over your belly.

This is a short post because my hands are not working today, and I'm tired and hungry.

Don't forget to vote for me!!

T

It's a New Year And...

My bag is seriously NOT cooperating. The reason I haven't blogged for more than a week is because my bag is leaking EVERY SINGLE DAY. That's ALL CAPS so I'm MAD.

I got my own computer so I'm not allowed to use my mom's anymore. And it's been waiting and waiting for me to use it. I just set it up a couple days ago. All by myself.

Back to my leaky bag. It's leaked every single day for the past week and a half, if not longer. I just got a good fit yesterday but I don't want to jinx it! I'm not in a very good mood. Whenever my bag leaks it really brings me down.

I was nominated for a Bloggie by the amazing Diane! So nominate me or I will spill my ostopoop on you. And I didn't put Stop Drops in this morning so it's gonna stink.

My sister just threw gum at me.

Nominate me for the Best Teen Blog category because I've already been nominated twice. Yes, I nominated myself. Shuttup.

Did I tell you? I don't know if I told you. I got a completely adorable, amazingly cute, evil, vicious, growling puppy! But she's so cute and fluffy so we don't care that she's bad.

I present to you: Casey and Pepper.



But Pepper has a dark side, too. She likes to bite, and when she gets crazy, she's crazy.



I have absolutely nothing to blog about. This has got to be the most boring blog I've ever written. I'm boring myself.

But you should NOMINATE ME FOR A BLOGGIE. I realize that this is, like, soo boring, but if you need reassurance go read my earlier stuff or my stuff from November or December. I had a lot to write about then. Not like now. Where my life is uninterest-

OOH! I GOT IT! Surgery news. Well, my contrast test didn't turn out so good, as the radiologist was quick to say. But when Dr. Thompson looked at them again he said that the leak isn't as bad as we thought. He's going to show the studies to a colon-rectal surgeon at UM and get a second opinion. I was supposed to have the surgery tomorrow, but again, not happening. Hate fortune cookies. Hate my superstitiousness. Did I spell that right?

Today I'm going to clean out my closet. It's a new year. I have an interesting life. Really, ostomy bags don't make you interesting, they just make you skinny and boring.

Under Pressure

I took a contrast study yesterday. And, like all three of my fortune cookies said, it didn't turn out so good.

I now have two leaks, and one of them isn't getting any smaller. The other one is getting a teensy bit smaller every time - but if it gets just a little bit smaller each time, it could take years to close up (that's what the radiologist said). So Dr. Thompson is going to have to go in and totally redo the ostomy. Like take the small intestine back up and in, take the J-pouch off and sew it on again, and then take the intestine up and over my skin again.

It's going to be a while before I have this thing off. Like, a really LONG while.

It's time for me to give my blog a makeover again! Christmas is over. The best gift I got is a tree ornament from the amazing Neer family that has me as a doctor and says 'Who needs a colon?' on a perscription bottle I'm holding. I love it!!

On Vh1 and Vh1 Classic, they have a countdown of the 100 Greatest Songs of the 80's. It's the best. Haley and I were watching it and we were trying to figure out what song would be in the preview if my life were made into a movie.



Word to your mother.

Depressing Fortune Cookies: Ruining the Hopes and Dreams of Young Ostomates

'Twas the night before Christmas
When Jews eat Chinese food
Haven't bought any presents?
You're probably screwed.
'Twas the night before Christmas
And this ostomate sighed
Because she knew that tonight
Her puppy would cry.
To-mor-row morning (it's a stretch, but bear with me here. i feel like i've just gotten an 8 gallon shot of morphine. something was totally laced in my club soda tonight.)
When Christian people live well
All of my family
Is at the Boca Hotel.
'Twas the night before Christmas
And I'm a very jealous girl
Who ate too many lettuce wraps
And is now gonna hurl.

Like it?
So, okay, I'm not really gonna throw up. Gosh, just saying the word 'hurl' or 'barf' makes you feel sick, right? Cause I didn't feek nauseous, like, a second ago and now I do. I've realized that I am a frequent, comma, abuser, because, I, just, looked, at, all the posts I've done since October and I, use, commas, too, much.
So tonight we ate Chinese at the best Chinese restaurant in Florida, Orient Palace. It's like a half-hour drive but sooo worth it. Except for when we got the fortune cookies.

LINDSAY'S FORTUNE: People are drawn to you because of your charm.
NANA JUDI'S FORTUNE: The greatest decision you'll ever make will be made tomorrow.
GRANDMA'S FORTUNE: You are good with money.
ZACK'S FORTUNE: You will have excellent luck come the New Year.
DADDY'S FORTUNE: The next question someone asks, the answer is yes.

Those are all kickbutt fortunes, am I right? I mean, Lindsay's charming, Nana's a good decision maker, grandma's good with money, Zazk will have good luck in like a week, and daddy has the next 12 seconds of his life already planned out! So what did mine say?

CASEY'S FORTUNE, TAKE 1: So I ask the cookie before I break it, "Will I get my bag off?" and it breaks into 3 pieces after I split it open. Guess what the fortune says?
If your cookie broke into 3 pieces, the answer is no.
CASEY'S FORTUNE, TAKE 2: You're laughing now, just wait till the New Year.
And the WORST FORTUNE COOKIE I HAVE EVER RECEIVED, EVER?!
CASEY'S FORTUNE, TAKE 3: The end of your struggles are not near. They will never end.

What. The. Eff.

My first fortune basically TOLD me I wasn't getting the bag off. My second fortune sounds like a death threat and let me know that I would NOT be laughing come 2008. And my third fortune, like, wtf? Who makes a fortune like that? These fortunes are NOT FUNNY. They are HAZARDOUS to my MENTAL WELL-BEING!!!

I'm good.

But seriously, what's up with depressing fortunes? The one my Poppy (mom's dad) got said This is not your week. More like this is not my YEAR.

Oh, and Merry Christmas.
Fortune cookies are ho, ho, hos.

Have an OstoMagical Day!

All righty.

I just got back from... get ready to say "ARE YOU ******* CRAZY, OSTOGIRL?!?" to your monitor... Disney World. Okay, you can yell, I'll cover my ears.

We went to Magic Kingdom and Downtown Disney on Saturday, and we spent the day in Animal Kingdom on Sunday. And let me tell you. Right now, I feel like I'm going to die.

We had a wheelchair both days, sure, but still. I didn't have a wheelchair at Downtown Disney (huge mistake) and no wheelchair at the resort we stayed at, the Port Orleans Riverside. We had like the worst room in the whole place. Well, I mean, the room was nice and it's a really nice hotel, but we were the farthest from the restaurants. No joke. We were seriously on the other side of the resort. So I did a lot of walking. Probably more walking than I've done altogether in the last six months.

At Animal Kingdom, there were a lot of rides I couldn't go on. Expedition: Everest was too big of a roller coaster. Kali River Rapids was too rough and wet. Primeval Whirl would have made me nauseous. But then there was one more thrill ride that I wanted to go on that I did... and it hurt. The bumpiest, possibly scariest, most uncomfortable for your booty ride in Animal Kingdom is Dinosaur, something I do NOT recommend for ostomates. Or people with any butt problems. Because this ride is bumpy, and to keep my stoma from, like, falling off I had to hold tightly on to the handle bars. I mean, TIGHTLY. Like tightly enough that when I got off the ride, my arms hurt. (Oh, and in Animal Kingdom for lunch I HIGHLY recommend the Flame Tree Barbecue. Best fast food in Disney, no contest. Very good for ostomates :])

At Magic Kingdom, I did the regular rides I always do: Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, Pirates of the Caribbean, Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin, and my favorites, Splash Mountain and The Haunted Mansion. They completely redid the Haunted Mansion. The room that used to have the bride with the red beating heart is now pictures of her with various dead husbands. As your doom buggy goes by, the husbands go from having heads to no heads. And at the beginning of the ride where there used to be nothing, there are pictures that, when the fake lightning strikes, turn into seriously creepy photos. They made Big Thunder faster, too, and it really makes a difference. I couldn't go on Space Mountain because of the jolts the ride gives you when it starts and finishes, and the handlebars come down tight on your stomach. But I made up for it by going on the equally-as-thrilling it's a small world. Yes, I am a speed demon.

Downtown Disney is like whoa. World of Disney, which is the biggest Disney store in the world, is heeeuge! When you see it, it doesn't look all that big. But look again: The store takes up four of the regular-sized storefronts.

And, I have a surgery update: my surgery might be on January 7th, 2008. I have to get a (grr.) contrast test before it. If my leak isn't closed, we'll have to completely redo my ostomy again. Dr. Thompson will have to take of the J-pouch and sew it back on. But hey, if I never get my ostomy bag off, there's a good thing that comes out of it: we got to the Fastpass line of every Fastpass ride because of my bag. And rides with no Fastpass, we got an alternate entrance. Life is good.